Some days my Parky can give me a run for my money, and today was one of those days. Never in a million years, would I ever had imagined that I would be battling a Neurological disease, starting at age 36. The crazy thing is, I think that there are some things physically that I can still do, but in reality, I struggle. Having the simple luxuries of life, slowly being taken away from you, at times can be difficult to deal with. It not only affects you, but those around you as well.
This is not a pity party, by any means. The fact of the matter is, I’m noticing how Parky is slowly trying to take over my body. This disease has it’s own agenda, and can be deceiving at times. In my mind I think not to much has changed physically, but all the signs of progression are there. Tremors, rigid muscles, slow movement (bradykinesia), swinging my left arm when walking, and other symptoms are creeping up on me. I’m fighting him every day, from sun up to sun down. My wife always tells me not to give up, and battle this beast with all I have. I know it’s difficult for me to watch my family take care of me at times, but I know they do it out of love. I am thankful for them, because they motivate me to push myself, grind it out, and be positive.
Then there are days that I feel like a burden, or in the way. I know that I’m not, but I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel like I am some days. It gets to me when I can’t cut my food at times, or when I am walking in slow motion, and everybody is waiting on me, or not being able to stop my tremors when they decide to show up. It’s almost like you’re a puppet on string, and Parky is the puppet master, and he has total control of your body. That is a hard pill to swallow.
I just felt I needed to vent about this unforgiving disease. I know that everything happens for a reason, even in this, my life with P.D. It is not a death sentence, but it is a progressive disease that can affect you, and bring you down if you just give up. I refuse to give up, but there are days when I’m tired, and just need rest. The worst days are when Parky gets me emotionally, I just start crying it seems, for no reason, or I get stressed immediately. My wife is always there to calm me down.
Sorry for carrying on, but I needed to get this off my chest. Blogging is a great tool, and so relieving for me. The fight will go on, but for today, it affected me more than usual. Thanks for reading.